Friday, May 14, 2010


Thomas posted me a question yesterday. which really had me thinking.
Do you think you will last long in the force?
Seriously, my heart tells me no.
But my mind tells me that I have to, no matter what.
The ans I gave him? No.
He told me to give myself 3years as its still too early for even me myself to know the ans whether or not I am suitable.
Actually, I know and I understand.
Im hanging on painfully. But its not for me.

KL ask me d other day, what are your goals in life.
I told him that I din had any.
Once again I lied.
I know very clearly what I want in life.
But most times, you dont get and wont achieve what you want in life.
For your actions and choices in life are often predetermined by circumstances surrounding you.

It got me thinking why are people asking me what I want in life recently.
Living in this world, its really very very tiring and taxing.
For the amount of effort you put in, it does not necessary mean that your gonna get what you want ultimately. Perhaps this is why they say that life is never fair.
The main thing how I used to motivate myself was to tell myself that somewhere out there on this earth, someone somehow someplace is worst off than whatever scenario or situation I can be in. Simply put, most ppl place their happiness on top of others misery.
I dislike this facade world.
And all the things that ppl do for the sake of one term. survival.
I just like to query whether at the end of the day, is it all worth it.
These tests that you're giving me god, Perhaps I really cant take em all.
Im ashamed that Im such a weakling.
But its like fire burning your skin.
Where every breathe you take in, your hearts pumps painfully.
Im so numb, it makes me wonder whether or not my existence is real.


She was looking at all her pictures in her hard disk.
She starts to wonder, where did her happiness went.
The smiles and laughters from pictures after pictures after pictures.
This little happy gurl, she seem to vanished along with memories.
She just wanna be happy, wanna find back the little things that will bring her smiles.
She doesnt wanna look at herself everytime and just tried telling herself that everything is fine.
Life was a breeze back than.
So where is the sunshine after the downpour?


We changed lots over the years.
One thing remained. The friendship between us.
I missed the manymanymany close times we shared and how we hang out often all the time.
But rytez now, at least I know that your just a phone call away.
You will be with me when my tears fall like any other day.
And I know you'll always catch me when I fall.
9moredays to our overseas trip.
Im really really looking forward to it. After god knows how many years.


And to the most important person in my life,
Thanks for always being so patient towards me.
For being understanding and supportive.
For encouraging and motivating me.
For always being there for me.
For believing in me.
For I know no matter what happens I can always lean on you.
Sorry for all the worries, heartache, unhappiness I caused you.
7moredays to our day. So near yet so far.
It was as if it was yesterday.


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