Monday, May 04, 2009
My head is all messed up.
Totally don't feel good.
Its not cause I don't wanna return smses.
Its simply cause the minute I see all the concern smses from my friends,
My head simply goes blank.
I have no idea what to return, what to say.
Cause Im not okay. Definetly not.
This feeling. I can't describe.
Losing the lottery ticket?
Failuring subjects?
Got dumped?
Naw. It ain't any of these at all.
I finally know what pinning all your hopes on something
and the aftermath of failure feels like.
I have never tried so hard to achieve something
Or to want something so much in my life before.
Hmm like a lil kidd wanting his candy.
Why are my thoughts distorted?
I couldn't be bothered over conflicts.
I just let it all go.
I gave in to physical, mental, emotional competitions. I just let em all go.
All these years of my life, there was nothing I could really be proud of.
Nothing.
It ain't as destructive as losing ure best friend to death.
This feeling within me. I simply cant describe.
I feel Cheated.
Just when I decided I need a life changing point.
Something to work hard and to work along with.
Maybe it ain't so serious.
But the disappointment is simply too great.
No one can understand.
Not if u had been there that day.
Maybe Im wrong.
Too weak. Not suited for a path like this.
I was so serious. TOO serious.
Yet this was how I was treated.
I need a lil support.
Not asking why.
What happen.
How did it came to this?
These are not helping.
Cause things happened already.
I can't face myself.
The one within me.
She's hurt. badly.
Why can't I console her?
Why isn't she strong enough.
I turned my blog private temporarily.
Until the moment passes.
I just don't want my vulnerability to be shown.
I don't need more people worrying about me.
Its good enough to just share happy stuff.
I feel like an empty shell.
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12:04 AM